The Eurovision Song Contest is usually the preserve of songs usually only played in South American torturathons while a moustachioed CIA-trained "interrogator" is doing something unfortunate to your nether regions with an electric cattle prod. Usually filled with the kind of songs that makes chewing silver foil seem like a more interesting pasttime, one often wished for some instant metal mayhem to erupt onstage. Vomiting out wild axe monsters and semi-clad dancing girls in cages all intent on ripping the unsuspected audience a new asshole and then, probably, defiling that proto-orifice with some strangely shaped guitar or disturbing prosthetic. I was happy to acknowledge that this was just all generated in my head as, an often-drunk, Terry Wogan burbled away and the most risqué thing that ever happened was when Bucks Fizz ripped off the girl's skirts.

UNTIL NOW!!!

Seems Finland have got sick and tired of getting nil points all the time and have fielded Lordi, a bunch of rubber masked GWAR-a-likes:

However, this hasn't gone over well with certain people:

Finland sends in the heavy metal mob for its Eurovision challenge

Tuesday April 25, 2006
The Guardian


The trauma of losing the Eurovision Song Contest can do funny things to a country. In Finland, where the words "nul points" are burned into the national psyche, they have decided to take radical action and appoint hard-rocking death metal band Lordi as their Eurovision entry for 2006.

A far cry from the breezy folk tunes and ultra-safe pop of traditional Eurovision fare, Lordi have scored hits with songs such as Blood Red Sandman. They wield chainsaws on stage, and never perform or give interviews without wearing their rubber fright masks. Lordi's Eurovision entry, Hard Rock Hallelujah, opens with the lines, "The saints are crippled on this sinners' night/ Lost are the lambs with no guiding light", and goes on to celebrate something called "the day of rockoning".

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the choice of Lordi has been greeted with dismay by religious groups both in Finland and abroad. A group of Greek protesters known as the Hellenes have called on the Finnish government to intervene: "We ask the Finnish Commission of the Eurovision Song Contest to cancel the procedure and choose another song. This evil and satanic Finnish band is not welcome in Greece." (This year's contest will take place on May 20 in Athens).

Lordi's supporters argue that the band could hardly make Finland's Eurovision record any worse. Since the country began competing in 1961, it has never troubled the top five, and on three occasions Finnish contestants have come home with the dreaded zero point score.

"It's been a total failure, it is truly a national trauma to us," says Kimmo Valtanen, the managing director of Sony BMG Music Finland, Lordi's record label.

Lordi's lead singer, Mr Lordi (real name: Tomi Putaansuu) vehemently denies that his band are satanists. "We have absolutely nothing to do with devil worship," he says. "I mean, Hard Rock Hallelujah! Would a satanic band write a song title like that? No. Our second single was called The Devil Is a Loser. Although we are not a gospel band, either."

Putaansuu, an Arctic Laplander, cites classic hard rockers Twisted Sister, Kiss and Alice Cooper among his influences, and admits that he will be surprised and disappointed if his band is eliminated from the competition. "We are bringing rock credibility to the Eurovision song contest," he insists. "I always said that it doesn't matter where you perform. If you do a good painting, it should look the same whether it's on the wall of a museum or if it's on the wall of your toilet."

Source

Top marks all round for that but who are this fine bunch of chaps (and a chapess?) who never miss and opportunity to strike a pose?

Lets go and take a look at their bios on their site (note they do warn you about "Strong Monster Violence and Gore" so if that kind of thing scares you look away now):

Lordi - vocals:

Fact file:

1. the co-treader, the unholy overlord of tremors
2. "the most fearsome khan of all" / "Count nosferatu" / "the bastard son of a thousand megalomaniacs"
3. Biomechanic man. Fanged giant monster, W/ glowing red eyes, dressed in symbiotic armour
4. Cyberundertaker, the hulk of hell

NO-ONE LEAVES!

Amen "the unstoppable mummy" - guitar

Fact file:

1. Ancient assassin
2. The ruler of Anubis Dynasty
3. Mummified, Severed, Buried
4. Living Dead, Unstoppable Avenger
5. So be it, it shall be done

DEATH IS BUT THE DOORWAY TO NEW LIFE. WE ROCK TODAY - WE SHALL ROLL AGAIN. IN MANY FORMS SHALL WE RETURN!

Kita "the alien manbeast with the combined strengths of all the beasts known to man" - drums:

Fact file:

1. Extraterrestrial Beast
2. Jaws of Terror
3. Intergalactic Alien Race
4. A Soldier orc
5. Who the Fuck is Predator

KITA SAYS HELLO TO ALL MANBEAST LOVERS
ROCK ON!

Awa - keyboards

Fact file:

1. Possessed sorceress, she-devil
2. Snake-eyed feminine specter, restless soul, the vampire countess
3. The Psyghost, aka ghost witch, Miss Madness, the queen insanity
4. Origin of "be aware"

Dear rock 'n' roll fanatics
BE AWARE

Ox - bass

Fact file:

1. Hellbull, the hornhead aka hornskull
2. The Bulltaurus
3. The oldest brother of the Kalmageddon order
4. Smashquatch aka the giant powerhouse on hoof

HELLO PSYCHOS!
MR. OX BRINGS YA BULLHELL!

They also have a section dedicated to their Eurovision Song Contest entry so we are going to miss any news on that front!!

Personally I'm thinking of putting some money on them to win - it could just happen.

It probably doesn't need saying that I am very excited about this!!

However, We Brits shouldn't take this kind of thing lying down!! We have a history of unlikely sonic mayhem with the unlikely appearance at the Brits in 1992 by the KLF backed by Extreme Noise terror involving a lot of shouting, a crutch, a machine guns and the loss of bowel control amongst members of the audience (I thought it also involved a sheep, an electric wheelchair and a single horned helmet - it was one of those mythical appearances). Don't believe me? Watch it at the wonderful YouTube. In fact someone find my Bill Drummond's phone number I'm getting an idea involving him and chum Mark Manning (from Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction). Then again, I have the sneaking suspicion this is all part of one of their fiendish plans anyway. Somehow.

Press photos credit